becoming HIS

This is a new journey for me, exploring a lifestyle that I feel drawn to.

Going Home – Part 5

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

As 10 pm approached, I realized I was more nervous than I thought I’d be. But I had decided that I was not going to miss this chance with Tommy. Especially not after what had happened, or almost happened, today.

I had taken a shower after supper and washed my hair. Mom and Dad had gone to bed around 9, so I didn’t have to worry about them asking me where I was going so late at night.

A few minutes before 10, I headed out the back door, making sure to close it quietly behind me. I walked across the gravel drive towards the barn. Despite the moon being behind the clouds, I knew the way well enough to not need a flashlight. I walked around the corner of the barn and headed inside to see if I could find Tommy. I didn’t see him anywhere as I looked down the dimly lit center aisle, so I tried the door of the tack room but it was locked.

Suddenly I was grabbed roughly from behind. Before I could react, a man’s hand covered my mouth. “Don’t scream, it’s me,” I heard Tommy whisper harshly in my ear. When he let me go, I spun around, fully intending to hit him for scaring me but he realized this just in time to step back out of my reach. As I continued towards him, fists raised in front of me, he grabbed both of my wrists. Then he twisted my arms behind my back, causing my body to be pressed up against his. I struggled, trying to escape his embrace, until I realized that both of our bodies were reacting to my movement. I felt his stiff cock pressing against my abdomen at the same time as my nipples hardened from brushing against his chest.

“Let go of me, Tommy!”

“Now why would I do that, Lynn, when I’ve got you right where I’ve always wanted you?” As he spoke, he stepped forward, pushing me back against the wall outside of the tack room. He shifted one of my wrists over so he could clasp both within one of his hands, still keeping them behind me. The other hand found his key chain, which he used to unlock the tack room door. After opening it, he guided me inside, closing the door behind him.

“I’m gonna let go of you now, but you have to promise that you won’t try to hit me no more.”

“OK, I promise.”

He released me and stepped back. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness but when they did, I could see him standing a few feet away from me. After a few moments of silence, we both started to speak at the same time.

“I’m so glad you –,“ began Tommy.

“What did you mean –.” We both stopped at the same time, so I gestured for him to continue.

Instead, he started walking towards me, causing me to back up until I felt the wall behind me. He stopped just before our bodies touched, saying, “I’m so glad you showed up tonight on your own ‘cause I’d already decided to come get you myself if you hadn’t!” Then he grabbed my face and crushed his lips against mine. His tongue forced its way in to my mouth, circling my tongue. But when I reached up to put my hands on his shoulders, he broke off the kiss and said, “No! We’re gonna do things a little differently tonight. We’re gonna do things my way.”

“W-w-what do you mean?” I knew I should be scared but to be honest, his words were making me wet.

He walked back to the door and locked it, before turning and saying, “Maybe you don’t remember how it was back in high school, but I do. We never did anything unless it was your idea. But I’ve had 15 years to plan and dream about what I’d do if things had been different. I’m not passing up the opportunity.”

His words made my heart race. How could he know being dominated was a fantasy of mine?

I watched as he walked over to the work bench on my left, where a large duffle bag had been placed. He took out what looked like leather shackles, as well as some other things, which he placed on the bench. But I looked down at the floor when he picked up the shackles and walked back over to stand in front of me again. So he placed a finger under my chin, raising it so he could look in to my eyes.

“I’m gonna give you one chance to say this is not what you want. You can unlock that door and go back to the house. But if you do, I’m done. I’ll go back to just being your Daddy’s employee and you can go back to that big city you live in. I won’t bother you no more. But Lynn, if you’ll be honest with yourself and with me, I don’t think you want to walk away. I think you want to stay and be here with me, at least for tonight. I also think you want to submit to me, so if you stay, you will do everything I say without question. Do you understand what that means?”

I nodded my head.

“So the decision is yours. Are you gonna leave or stay?” He stood there, looking down at me, his eyes pleading with me to make the right decision.

As I looked in to his eyes, I could see his desire for me burning within their depths. I knew that he was asking me to give myself to him, something I had never done for anyone before. Can I trust him enough to do this?

“Have you made up your mind?” he asked.

“Yes, I have.” Then I took a deep breath before saying, “I choose to… stay.”

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My recent adventures (Dec 2014 – Jan 2015)

First, I want to apologize for my absence over the past six weeks. It’s mostly due to my decision to check out FetLife & join some local groups. In early December, I finally got up enough nerve to attend my first munch. The group meets once a month in a neighboring city. They have the banquet room of a buffet-style restaurant reserved so that everyone can speak freely & not have to worry about shocking the people at the nearby tables.

Anyway, after deciding to go to the munch, I knew that I didn’t want to go alone. There was really only one person that I could imagine going with me but first I had to tell him about my decision to pursue my most secret desires. Up to this point, I had not told any of my friends that I was curious about the lifestyle. Sure, I had discussed it with people that I’d met online, but none of them knew me out in the real world. So I messaged my friend on Facebook & first told him that I had started a blog. He asked what my blog was about. I told him it was about my decision to join the BDSM lifestyle, as I had felt drawn to it since my twenties. He surprised me by saying that he’d participated in the lifestyle off & on for years. Then he asked if I was submissive or dominant? I replied that I considered myself to be submissive & asked him which one he was? He said something to the effect of, “They call me Sir!” Needless to say, our conversation went a lot easier than I had anticipated. So I told him about the upcoming munch & asked if he’d go with me. Luckily, that was his weekend off from work, so he said he’d be happy to.

The day arrived & my friend picked me up. I was so nervous! I kept reminding myself that the other members of the group were in the lifestyle, too, & that I had nothing to be nervous about. When we got to the restaurant, I told the cashier we were with the group in the banquet room (this was so I could get the group discount on our meals). Too quickly, it was time for us to enter the room full of strangers. I didn’t know what to expect when we walked in but I had never imagined it would be the friendly, welcoming greeting that we received. My friend & I put our drinks on the table & then went out to get our food. I couldn’t help but let out a nervous giggle as we walked through the restaurant. After we returned to the room with our food, the two main leaders of the group came over to introduce themselves. They seemed genuinely happy to meet us. Over the next hour, the room filled up with the other members of the group, as well as a few more newbies like my friend & I. At one point, the leaders asked everyone to stand up & introduce themselves one at a time. We had the option of just giving our Fet name or we could also give our first name, if we felt comfortable with that.

In the announcement about the December munch, I saw that a “Dirty Santa” gift exchange was planned but since it was our first time, we didn’t bring anything ’cause we weren’t entirely sure what kinds of gifts the others would bring. When it was time to start, the doors of the room were closed, as well as the blinds on the windows. It didn’t take long to understand why. Despite not participating in the gift exchange, we had a great time seeing all of the naughty gifts the others had brought. Once that was over, everyone just milled around, talking & getting to know each other. Several people encouraged me to send them friend requests on Fet.

Between the December & January munch, there were a couple people from the group that I started chatting with online. Because of this, I felt comfortable enough to go to the January munch by myself, as my friend had plans with his boyfriend that night. When I walked in to the room, several people greeted me & said they were glad to see me again. After my friends arrived that I’d been chatting with, one of them told me that some people were going to be meeting up at another member’s house after the munch & asked if I wanted to go, too. I knew that in all likelihood, this was probably a “play party.” I agreed to join them but said that I would only be an observer. I had been told in earlier conversations that the group was very respectful of requests like that, as well as very adamant about everything being safe, sane & consensual.. My friends assured me that my decision would be respected.

I decided to follow my friends there, in case I wanted to leave before they did. When we got there, my assumption was confirmed that this was to be a play party, as well as a photo shoot. Our host was a photographer & had his studio set up in his basement. Several of the members had asked him to photograph them in outfits they had brought with them. They said that I was welcome to join in if I felt comfortable to. I told them that I only wanted to observe & they said that was fine.

My two friends that I had been chatting with online are in a D/s relationship. I got to see him use a paddle & a flogger on her. Throughout the evening, I was asked what I thought of what I was seeing & if I had any questions. At no time did I feel pressured to participate. In fact, I was kinda sad when I realized it was time for me to head home. I had a great time getting to know everyone & I’m really looking forward to the next one!

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Will your demons play well with mine?

Demons

5 Comments »

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas - followers

4 Comments »

I really tried…

bored easily

1 Comment »

Going Home – Part 4

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Mom and I walked around on the property for a while as we talked and caught up on things. Actually, she did most of the talking because I was still a little distracted as I continued to think about what had happened, or almost happened, in the tack room with Tommy. After all this time, does he still have feelings for me, I wondered to myself.

When we got back to the house, I followed Mom to the kitchen so I could help her get supper ready. I was busy enough that I was able to push my thoughts about Tommy to the back of my mind, at least for a little while. When it was time to set the table, I got three plates down from the cabinet. Mom looked over and said, “You need to put out four plates. Tommy usually eats supper with us before heading home of the evenings.” As I got down the fourth plate, I noticed my hand was shaking a little bit.

We always ate supper at the kitchen table, which was just big enough for four people to sit at, so I would either be sitting across from him or beside him. So much for avoiding Tommy, I thought to myself. As I was finishing setting the table, I heard the back door open and close. Glancing up, I saw Dad and Tommy coming in to the kitchen and heading over to the sink. I quickly looked away, hoping no one would notice the blush that I felt on my cheeks.

As it turned out, I ended up sitting next to Tommy. Despite trying to avoid any contact with him, I would occasionally feel his leg rub up against mine under the table. When he asked me to pass something to him, his fingers brushed across mine before taking the dish. I tried to follow the conversation, but his presence next to me was too distracting.

As the meal ended, I quickly jumped up and started clearing the table, telling Mom I’d clean up the kitchen and put everything away. I couldn’t get away from the table, and Tommy, fast enough. But as I turned around to go back for more, Tommy was headed towards me with a handful of dishes. “I didn’t ask for any help, Tommy.”

“I know but two people can get it done faster than one. You start the dishes and I’ll finish clearin’ the table.” The look he gave me told me there was no use in arguing with him, so I turned back to the sink and started washing the dishes. After the table was cleared, he picked up a towel and started drying the clean dishes.

As I attempted to put a serving bowl up on a high shelf, I suddenly felt him behind me. His body pressed me against the cabinet as he took the bowl from my hand and easily placed it upon the shelf. I thought he would just move away but then I felt his hands on my right shoulder and left hip. My breath caught in my throat when he brushed aside my hair, exposing my skin to his warm breath. As he leaned forward and started to place soft kisses upon my neck and shoulder, his right hand moved down my arm to my hand.

At first, he just placed his hand over mine, but then he took hold of my hand. As he continued kissing my neck and shoulder, he pulled my hand behind me, between our bodies, and placed it upon the hard bulge in the front of his jeans. I tried to pull my hand away but he wouldn’t let me. He began to slowly move my hand up and down, and as I felt him twitch under my palm, he paused in kissing my neck to softly moan against my skin.

Then his left hand moved down the front of my jeans and between my legs. As he was rubbing me through the fabric, I felt his hot, wet tongue moving up my neck. When his mouth reached my ear, he whispered, “I’ve never stopped wanting you, and I think you still want me, too, don’t you, Lynn?”

I heard his quick intake of breath as my right hand suddenly gripped him through the fabric of his jeans. I nodded my head and softly said, “Yes.” As the word left my mouth, I turned so I could face him.

Still whispering, Tommy said, “Meet me in the barn around 10 PM. We can pick up where we left off this afternoon without anyone interrupting us.”

“Ok, I’ll meet you.”

Smiling, he leaned down to kiss me, his warm lips lingering on mine. Then he turned, calling out to my parents, “Goodnight. See y’all in the mornin’.”

As I watched him drive away, I started having second thoughts. I can’t believe I just agreed to meet him. Can I do this? Is this really what I want?

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It’s not the collar…

Not the collar

4 Comments »

I’m a bad girl, too!!

Bad Girl Bloggers award

Wow! Received my second nomination in two days for the Bad Girl Bloggers Award, so I guess I need to get caught up. The first one came from Sharn over at Spankalicious. I love reading her blog. She is a sexy, funny, wild one from “down under,” so make sure you check her out!

The second one came from Felicity over at The Dark Night Chronicles. I look forward to everything she posts. She is an author of erotic literature & poetry whose first e-book, Erotic Passages, is about to launch. If you’re not already a fan, check her blog out as well. You won’t be disappointed!

My nominees are:

Girl of the Night – This young woman’s blog is about her journey in life, feeling like she’s “stuck between two worlds.” On one hand, she’s a student, daughter & sister, but on the other hand she’s a kinky, sadomasochistic, open-minded, sassy girl. Check out her blog & follow along with her adventures.

openforhim – I’ve been a fan of this blog since I first found Word Press. She blogs about her life “serving (her) husband as a submissive wife and sex slave.” Many of her posts are about her day to day experiences with her husband using her whenever & however he wants. She also writes about her fantasies, which sound delicious. So if you’re interested in learning more about a 24/7 TPE relationship, this is the blog to follow!

The Submission of Shaylina – I met Shaylina very soon after starting my blog on Word Press. She is an amazing woman from Colorado who recently had an “epiphany” & is now on her “journey of self-discovery.” I’m really looking forward to hearing more about her journey & I hope you are, too!

RULES: If you are a recipient, please choose 3-5 female bloggers who write about sex (or post sexy pics of themselves, or both) that you admire and reward them by passing on the award photo above and the rules. Also, give a brief explanations of why you love those bloggers so much.

Be sure to notify your favorite bloggers that they got the award.

My nomination comes with the disclaimer that you shouldn’t feel pressured to make your own nominations. I just wanted you to know that you deserve it!

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Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

100+ Followers

I reached the milestone of 100 followers today & just wanted to say thank you!!

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Going Home – Part 3

By the time I pulled up at Mom and Dad’s house, the dream was mostly forgotten.  I had really been looking forward to spending this time with them, especially as it had been so long since I’d been back to the farm. I was determined to not let the situation with Tommy ruin this.

That lasted about a minute.

As I got out of the Jeep, Tommy stepped off the porch and headed towards me. As he opened up the rear hatch, I asked, “What are you doing?”

“I’m getting’ your bags out so I can take them to the guest room. Your Dad asked me to. He also said to tell you that lunch was ready and they were waitin’ for you.” Then he headed in to the house with my bags.

_______________________________________________

After eating lunch with my parents, I decided to take a walk. I headed across the gravel drive towards the barn to check out the horses. I had always loved to ride horses but it had been years since the last time. I wonder if I still remember how to saddle one, I thought to myself.

As I rounded the corner of the barn, I came to a sudden stop before I quickly stepped back in to the shadows. Tommy was working about 20 feet away from me, carrying bales of hay into the barn. He had taken off his shirt due to the heat and I couldn’t help but admire how much he had changed over the past 15 years. The muscles in his back and arms rippled with his task, the sweat gleaming on his suntanned skin. I watched him for another moment or so before I heard him say, “Are you gonna hide in the shadows or are you gonna come out and talk to me?”

I stepped out in to the sunlight as a blush climbed my neck and crossed my cheeks. “I wasn’t hiding,” I replied, “but I don’t know that there’s anything we need to talk about.” He turned and looked at me. For a moment, it was like no time had passed and we were teenagers again. But then he turned back to his task and the moment was gone. I heard the horses moving around in their stalls, which reminded me why I had come here in the first place, so I turned towards the barn.

I headed in to the tack room to get a saddle. I turned as I heard a sound behind me. Tommy was there, pulling the door closed. “I said there wasn’t anything we needed to talk about, Tommy.”

As he closed the distance between us, he said, “I didn’t come in here to talk, Lynn.”

I backed up until I felt the wall behind me. I put my hands up to stop him but he just grabbed my wrists and lifted them over my head. He leaned in as if to kiss me but paused just short of my lips and stared in to my eyes, both of us breathing heavily. As he held my wrists with his left hand, the other hand opened my jeans. When he slipped his hand inside my panties, I started to struggle because I didn’t want him to know how my body was reacting to him, but I immediately stilled when he said, “Stop moving.” The words weren’t spoken loudly but his tone brooked no argument.

When his fingers slipped between my moist folds, I couldn’t hold back my moan. As my lips parted, it was then that he kissed me, his tongue invading my mouth as his fingers pushed inside of me. My hips started to rock back and forth, urging his fingers to go deeper.

“Lynn, are you in the barn?” my mother’s voice called out. We quickly separated, my hands immediately going to the waist of my jeans.

“Stay in here and don’t make a sound,” I said, glaring at Tommy. I stepped out of the tack room and headed towards the entrance just as she entered the barn. “Over here, Mom,” I said with a sigh. As she and I left the barn, I glanced over my shoulder and saw Tommy coming out of the tack room. Before I turned away, he slowly ran his tongue up his first and second fingers, then tipped his hat and headed out the back of the barn. I really hope Mom doesn’t ask me why I’m blushing, I thought to myself.

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